Online Dating: Setting Up a Profile

About a month ago, my girlfriends and I decided it was time for me to join okcupid. The end of my last long-term monogamous relationship ushered in a period of true happiness that I hadn't experienced in months. I began to appreciate my female friendships, seek out new and exciting adventures, and reflect on the things that make me happy. I spent June through August being truly selfish, exploring who I am and who I want to be outside of my role as a partner... It was great. But after a summer without any lovin', I have decided that I am ready to start introducing men back into my life...


I am extremely skeptical about online dating. I know a couple people who have made it work, but for me it feels distanced and impersonal. An online profile can't properly convey a person's mannerisms or inflections. Someone who seems great on paper and can compose an articulate message online may be impossible to interact with in person. Alas, I work in a female dominated field with little to no opportunity to meet men outside of my social circle. Despite my reservations, online dating seemed like the best way to meet new people.

But setting up the profile is not as easy as it seems. Below is a brief summary of the steps to creating an okcupid account:

1. Create a Username
This may seem like an easy task, but your username defines you. It is the first "name" that people will associate you with. If you make the fatal mistake of taking this decision too lightly, you will be stuck trying to combat people's preconceived notions of you. Avoid having to constantly defend yourself by not choosing a username like JakeXL or SkinnyBitch unless that's the image you want to portray.

2. Choose Pictures
Just be smart. No one wants to be catfished and you don't want to give away too much too soon. A picture is worth a thousand words. Your whole profile can't make up for poor photographic decisions. [Also, a tip for men: if all of your pictures are mirror selfies, that is a huge red flag]

3. Try to Summarize Yourself
We are constantly being asked to define ourselves in personal statements and interviews. But with our fast-paced lives and short attention spans, no one wants to read 500 carefully crafted words about our best qualities on okcupid. People want to quickly and easily weed through hundreds of profiles. These summaries can be even harder to write than graduate school application essays!

4. Answer Some Potentially Overly Personal Questions
Usually you find out about your partner's sexual preferences after you know each other's first names. The internet has gotten rid of that prerequisite. Now you can let complete strangers know what you like in bed before you are ever introduced!

5. Over Think Everything
The whole process of creating an online profile is filled with self-doubt, especially when you are a skeptic. You wonder if you are revealing too much, if the things you put in your profile will be used to steal your identity, if anyone will actually like you or if you are just subjecting yourself to sexual harassment and embarrassment...

6. Chill Out
Realize that everything will be just fine. Online dating has the same risk factors as meeting someone in a bar. The added benefit of okcupid is that you are able to get some sense of the person before agreeing to meet them in a well lit, public area.

7. Go Boy Crazy
The first week with my new okcupid account was a whirlwind of playing QuickMatch, checking out cuties, and responding to messages. It was like being in high school all over again. My friends and I would gather around the iPhone app analyzing my matches and giggling over silly messages. The thrill wore off pretty quickly, but before it did, I began what I am now affectionately referring to as Marathon Dating.

8. Document Your Experiences
After a series of first dates, I have learned a lot about myself and about what I want in a partner. This post marks the start of a new series: Online Dating, where I will be sharing these stories and reflecting on the lessons I have learned!